Leave taking

Since this is my last day in England, I feel it only traditional that I write a short summary on my stay here. You know, about the people that I met, the good stuff, the bad stuff and my thoughts on coming home.

So, firstly the people. Well, first and foremost there is Natalie. She was the one that took me under her wing and showed me what to do (and more importantly what not to do) here in London. She got me safely to my first interviews and she was the one that shared most of my exploration experiences with me. For this I owe her a great debt. And as we spent more time together, I got to know her better and to respect her. Most people view her as a flighty person, someone who does not focus long on one thing. Nothing can be further from the truth. Yes, she does hop around from one subject to another, but that is simply because there is so much in life that interests her, and she is trying to fit it all in. Also, she knows exactly what she wants. And she is going for it with all of her heart. But, she is not willing to compromise on her dreams. She will not simply come here to London and work at a dead end job for a couple of months just to survive. For her it is all or nothing. It is a hard road that she has chosen for herself, for it will be filled with amazing highs and crushing lows. But just think, when she reaches the end of her life’s journey, what stories she will tell.

Then there was Charles. Weird guy. He is absolutely brilliant, but not in a way that can be quantified by our ordinary standards. And he has the true fighter’s mentality. Loyal to a fault to his friends, willing to pitch in no matter the odds or cost. He is someone you want at your back in a fight, cause he will stay there. And I have great respect for his ability to work hard at a boring job. All so he can maintain his independence and square all of his debts. No matter what happens in his relationship with Natalie, I just hope she realises his true worth. That he is the kind of man that will be there through thick and thin.

Emma. In Emma I found a good listener. Form the start I found that I could talk to her, and that she would listen without offering the usual platitudes that people do when you share problems with them. Even when things started going wrong in my relationship, I felt I could share my fears and concerns with her; and always she listened and gave her honest opinion. And on the day that it was finally over, I walked into the kitchen and told her it was over. And in her eyes I saw empathy, not sympathy or pity. And all she said was that she was sorry. Just that. But it meant the world to me that someone understood how I felt. My best conversation with her was the one where we shared our dreams and aspirations for the future. That was when I realised that even though the future was uncertain, I had nothing to fear, not with friends and family there to support me. The worst conversation I had with her was last night. She told me some hard truths about relationships, based on her previous experiences. The things she told me shook my world, and I had to spend the next hour and a half walking the streets of London to digest everything she had said. When most people offer you there advice, you listen, but there is always that little part of you that thinks it knows better. Not so with Emma. When she talks, you listen. Ignore her at your own peril. I truly hope that all goes well for her during the next five months. And that when she comes to SA to start her business, that she will contact me so I can provide the support for her that she provided for me here in England.

Lastly there was Martina. Nice girl, but she scares the living crap out of me. I do not know why. But as soon as she walks into a room, my hackles rise and I have to leave. She has always been friendly with me, and I’ve always returned the courtesy. But I can not stay in the same room as her for more that 30 seconds. I wish her the best of luck when she starts her studies in August.

There were other people that I met during my stay here in London, people like Jeff, Rob and Mussad. But they were just passing acquaintances, and had no real effect on my life.

Now, to list the bad and the good experiences of my stay here in London. Firstly the bad things:

• Sharing a flat with smokers
• Sharing a flat with people who do not know the meaning of the words cleanliness, order or personal space
• Not finding a job, skilled or unskilled
• Missing the one I loved
• Missing my friends
• Having a meltdown
• The two weeks prior to the break up
• The day after the break up, when I had to pick myself up off the ground after curling up there and sobbing my heart out
• Bursting out in tears in the national monument that is Westminster Abbey, in front of hundreds of people

Good experiences:

• The day Nicky from Big Brother wailed: “I just want to have fun!”
• The day I heard Rozario from Dragon-half say: “I go”. Then he picked up his dry ice and left the room.
• Watching Eddie Izzard and falling asleep
• Completing a journey by public transport, without once having to stop and carefully make sure that I am taking the right tubes.
• Seeing the Rosetta Stone
• Seeing the Gilbert Collection at Somerset House
• Seeing the Tower of London
• Seeing the crown jewels
• Messing about on the international timeline
• Learning that my brain is 100% female
• Learning that I have lost nearly a tenth of my body weight
• Running in the rain
• Running on a moonlit night
• Running till I dropped
• Playing Frisbee and doing the tricks I only dreamed about
• Bursting out in tears at Westminster Abbey, and realizing what I had to do
• Having Sunday lunch in Hyde Park
• Playing PS2 till the wee hours of the morning
• Walking to Putney
• Charming the ladies in the library to give me more time to spend on the computers
• Getting drunk and singing karaoke
• Learning that the English do not read and that the local library has an unsurpassed collection of fantasy books.

When I look at the lists above, I am glad that the good experiences of this trip outnumber the bad ones. But that was all my time here was, a trip, a holiday, a period of exploration. I have learned what I wanted to learn and I am now ready to start building on my future. I feel now as I should have felt when I left for England. I do not feel fear, because I know that whether I end up in the Cape, or in Jo’burg, I will have around me friends, family and people who love to do the things I love to experience. I feel excited, with that little burst of adrenalin that gets the heart pumping.

I have often wondered what it takes to reach manhood, not adulthood, but manhood. I think that part of that question has been answered by my journey here. And no, I can’t tell you what the answer is, because part of the answer is unique to each man. So, now it is time to roll up my sleeves, make my decisions and get down and dirty. I can’t wait.

Thus ends my last post here in England